Bah.

Well, it's halfway through week two here in Hilary Term, and I am finally finding time to write.

I could tell you all about my hectic and stressful winter break at home, or last week's excursion to see ENRON, or the awesome new people I've met, or even the sweet lectures I've had. Instead, I want to discuss my first tutorial of the term and the drama that preceded it.

Basically, it was my worst tutorial yet. David, my major tutor, told me it was the worst paper I had ever written for him. My usual writing level had fallen and I seemed utterly confused. There was not a strong introduction or conclusion. PLUS, I had missed a key point in the paper. Ugh. Super fail.

The first Wednesday of “not” week, I met with David about the coming tutorial. I had him last term for my major tutorial, so I wasn't really nervous. I knew what to expect. However, the topic was completely out of my comfort level. He wanted me to define different styles in the Classical era, as well as discussing arguments surrounding sonata form, and to analyze a sonata by Haydn. All these things seem so simple on paper. However, it are these “basic principles” that I have never had in class. I've never had general music history, and as a result, I always get super nervous when things are discussed or asked of me. I know it is my weakness. Already my paper was headed for disaster.

THEN, I wake up two days later, on Friday, and discover my computer had eaten itself while I was asleep. It had restarted, promptly froze, and then after a nice hard reboot, it would not go to the login screen. A plain white arrow on a plain black screen was all I got after Dell welcomed me. And it would just sit there. And sit there. And sit there. Faced with a terrible decision, I knew what had to be done: a reformat. Only, my windows CDs were 3000 miles away in good ol' KC. Thank god for moms who will mail packages to you under short notice.

Only, that package did not come til last Monday; ten days after it was sent. Ugh.

Needless to say, the lack of computer threw me off completely (even though my kind, dear housemate let me use hers for the week, since she had a spare). Not being able to do MY work on MY computer under MY conditions was extremely frustrating. It completely through my whole mentality off, and I am pretty sure it contributed to my epic fail of a paper.

However, I cannot place blame solely on my computer. I can only place blame upon myself. Over the last week since the tutorial, I have come to realize why that paper was the worst paper I had ever written, especially while here. I completely and utterly psyched myself out. All I could think about was how I didn't know the topic, about how my comrades were so much better than me at it, and how everyone seemed to be smarter and catch on faster than me. I read and I read, but nothing seemed to be coming together how I wanted it. In the end, I kind of gave up. I was too worried about what other people were doing, or how they might be viewing me, that I did not even TRY to understand anything. Well, I did try, but not to the level that I know I can do. Not to the level I SHOULD do, all the time.

This idea does not just pertain to papers and school, either. In some aspects of my life, I need to just be confident. And, if I cannot BE confident, I have to PRETEND to be confident. I need to not worry about others (in some instances) and just worry about myself. One of my whole goals with this study abroad was to mature. For the past few years, I had been avoiding being an adult. But the time is approaching where I will be forced into many adult things, and I need to prepare. This admission of my giving up is just one small step. It just sucks that I had to present a terrible paper to come to this point. Ha.


Things I am currently missing/craving: Joshua, my cats, all of my precious files...

Things that have been acquired: MD have been conquered for this term!, one step on the ladder to “maturity”

Last Day

Today was my last day in Oxford. And it was a good one.

Slept in a bit, and then got dressed and was ready to head out. It was the most perfect weather. Before leaving, I decided to bug Chrissy and ask her to go with me. She then proceeded to tell me about her fun drunken night last night while she got ready.

Once she was ready, we headed to the Ashmolean museum to see a few things. It is the oldest public museum in Britain (and maybe more?). Chrissy had seen almost every room already, but I hadn't been in yet. I wanted to see two things: the Alfred Jewel and Guy Fawke's lantern. Both were seen and both were as epic as I imagined.

Next we went to get something to eat. We went to this tiiiiiiny cafe on Broad Street that Chrissy had noticed was always PACKED. There is a reason: it was epically delicious. I got a turkey, ham, and cheese toasted sandwich. YUMMY.

Then I bought shirts for my godparents and tried to return another gift (because I had found a better one). Unfortunately, they wouldn't let me. It is alright though; it did not damper my day at all. After souvenir shopping, Chrissy needed to buy a turtleneck and I wanted a scarf and snacks for the trip. All things were acquired successfully.

After separating from Chrissy, I went to the 2 pound bookstore on my way home and got the PERFECT book for Case. Once I left the bookstore, there was a double-decker bus available to take me home from the bus stop. So, my last Oxford bus ride was on the top of the double-decker. Perfect. Also, as we began heading down the street, it began to rain, and hasn't stopped raining, making it even more perfect.

The night is one of those beautiful ones I love. It is perfect and serene.

See you soon Oxford....

Home awaits.

A story

While waiting for my update about Canterbury, enjoy this story:

I am at the Indian Guy Store (our local convenience store down the block) getting some Pringles and Coke (study essentials) when the guy who runs the store starts talking to me. Since one of our housemates goes to the store at least once a day, he has begun to recognize us.

Cashier: So, where are you from?

Me: Well, obviously from the States. Haha. I'm from Kansas City, Missouri. It is right in the middle of the country.

The cashier looks at me blankly, almost slightly confused and shocked

Cashier: Is...is that what it is called?

Me: Yup! There is a Kansas City, Missouri and I Kansas City, Kansas. They are right next to each other.

Cashier: So, like, the Tin Man, and all of them...?

Me: Yeah! They were in Kansas. I mean, they never say what part of Kansas, but Dorthy was from Kansas.

The cashier looks completely and utterly amazing/confused/dumbfounded

Cashier: I didn't know it actually existed....



Who knew Kansas was so exotic?

Happy Thanksgiving?

Is it still Thanksgiving if no one in the country is celebrating it? That's a question for all you philosophers.

Although I have no celebratory plans for this day (though I may do something on Saturday), it still has me thinking about what I am thankful for. In fact, being away from home today makes me MORE thankful for who I have in my life. Normally, family occasions can drive me a little batty. Cooking all the food is so much work, and then when people run late, other people get grumpy. Everyone in my family has their own idea of a schedule and what food should be cooked and who is responsible for what, etc. Therefore, stress always ensues.

However, now that I am not there, I even miss the stress. Instead of worrying about that stuff, I have to worry about a stupid paper and my stupid sprained ankle (a story for later). Plus, I don't even get the down time with family afterward. I get to sit here, by myself, and read about the dumb Middle Ages or play dumb computer games.

I know I can't complain too much. I'm in Oxford. It's wonderful. It's beautiful. It's amazing.

But, it would be a lot more amazing if I were surrounded by the people I love. I just got a phone call to go out to dinner with few students, but it won't be the same. It won't be THANKSGIVING dinner, and it won't be with my family. Even the Thanksgiving-esque dinner we might have on Saturday won't be the same. The food will make me happy (as it always does), but the company won't be perfect.

Last year I spent Thanksgiving at my aunt's house with all my crazy cousins, Josh and my mother. It's always an adventure over there, and last year was no exception. Back then I hadn't realized that this year my mom would be going over there alone, Josh would be with his family in Ava, and I would be here by myself. It's....odd.

Therefore, I am thankful for them the most. The two people that love me the most, and that I love the most. I know they both miss me and wish I was with them, and that helps. My mom called me and we talked for about an hour, because we missed each other. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. Josh and I had a great conversation last night, and it made me realize how long I have been gone. I'm thankful he is sticking by my side. Very thankful.

In ten days, though, I'll be home. Ten long and wonderful days. But, as soon as I get home my life will be crazy for about three weeks, and then I will turn around and come right back here.
I'm thankful for this experience, however. No matter how much drama occurs, or how much I miss home, I'm still thankful I got this chance. I know I will remember it forever, and I know it has/will effect me forever. But some days I still wish I could go home at the end of the day.

A list of other things/people I am thankful for:

-Charli Anderson: my best friend forever, I have no doubt about that
-Karen Anderson: You are my partner in crime here in Oxford, and I don't know what I would do without you
-Oxford: God you are beautiful
-My grandpa: Stay stubborn and living, old man
-My godparents
-Being healthy (well, mostly lol)
-Being alive

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Sorry if this post was ridiculous.

Quickly, Quickly

Well, it has been almost two weeks since I last posted. I am sorry for all the delays, but since a lot of other bloggers have been behind, I don't feel as bad.

When I last left you, I was about to go to a Guy Fawkes Day celebration at South Parks, Oxford. They had a whole carnival set up, and it was quite lovely, and reminded me a lot of home. Joe and I did not ride any carnival rides (and neither should you), because carnival rides are scary and unsafe. We, instead, began following another part of the crowd towards a big...thing. It was a statue of a cross between a man and a tree, and looked to be made of cardboard. It took us about 15 minutes to realize this thing was probably Guy Fawkes, and that they were going to light it on fire.

And it indeed was lit on fire. After an impressive fireworks display (which was 30 minutes late), Guy Fawkes was burnt. The statue and a pile of cardboard behind it lit up in a giant mass of fire. It was rather epic.

Last weekend (it's almost the weekend again already, isn't it? Dear Lord), some of the Jewell kids studying at Cambridge came to Oxford to visit. Stephanie stayed at my house, and it was a lovely time. We booth had papers to write, so we did work in separate rooms. Even with us being in different rooms a lot of the time, her visit was quite refreshing. It was nice to see a fresh and loving face. It's what I have been missing most. It was fun to see everyone else too. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I had seen everyone.

Tutorials have been going alright. The papers have been kicking my butt, but my tutors seem to still like them, so I can't complain too heavily. My Medieval History tutorial is much more difficult than my music tutorial. I write the papers fine, but when Patrick begins asking me questions, I don't have the answers. I don't always look at the big picture, and sometimes I just missed researching a certain thing in-depth. I have been trying to step it up, but he always manages to find something I don't know...and ask me about it.

There isn't anything else major happening. Went to Stratford again to see another Shakespeare play. It was good, but I was very ill, so I zoned out a lot. Also went to Hertford College Formal Hall, but I will discuss this more in a separate post later.

On Saturday, Karen, her sister, and I are going to Canterbury!!! So, I will let you know how it is. It will be my first un-sponsored trip outside of Oxford, and I cannot wait. I am so very PUMPED. It is one of the places I have always wanted to go. I'll keep in touch!

Things I am currently missing/craving: A really good hug, a letter from home

Things that have been acquired: A fresh face, more kitty loving (my tutor has a cat), food like I have at home (Karen made chili that tasted almost just like my mom's)

One Month

It has been a tad too long since I have posted. However, today I have no urge to do work, and would rather drown myself in watching live videos of Evanescence's latest show and obsessing about their emergence once again. So why not blog as well?

Life the past few weeks has sped up to a rapid speed and only recently have I been able to sit down and soak it all in. I have had three tutorials, three papers, one and half holidays, lots of choir, a lecture and a theatre trip to London since I last posted. AH! Life has no intention of slowing down any time either. Next week shows another lecture, paper and tutorial, a theatre trip to Stratford and Formal Hall at Hertford. And then the Cambridge folk are coming. Then I might go to Brighton, as well as going to Canterbury on the 21st! Mixed in with all of that is more tutorials, random meetings, weekly Evensong, papers and day-to-day excitement! Ahhh!

Needless to say this last month of term is sure to go by quickly. But, I am kind of excited to go home. I need to see the fresh, welcoming faces of the people I love. I love Oxford. Every day I do and see something totally beautiful and exciting. But I also my support structure. I miss being able to go “home.” I was talking to a friend of mine who is also abroad the other day. And he agreed that we wished being in another country was like summer camp. During the day and evening you get to go out and do and see crazy awesome things, but then you get to come home at night and sleep in your warm bed next to the person to love. But, that wouldn't be enjoying the abroad experience, now would it? Part of the experience is living it 24/7. What have I learned from that? I'm not sure yet, but I know I have got to learn something.

Now, about what I have been up to.

Tutorials: My tutorials have been going fairly well. My major tutor always seems to enjoy my papers, but as I don't ever get a grade, I have no idea how I am doing in that regard. He always calls them “good” or “excellent,” so I am hoping that means they are pretty good. My minor tutorial is a little more difficult, because I never seem to make the right connections. My essays are nice and they answer the questions, but the verbal questions I have a harder time with. It seems I need to improve my verbal discussions of things, as these last two years have developed my written discussion only.

Halloween: I didn't do a whole lot. I handed out candy to trick-or-treaters. Penelope told me that some years the Brits do not get very involved, so not to be too disappointed if no one shows up. Well, this year was not one of those years. I had about 40 children (I know because they took all my candy) come to the door in various different outfits. They were all your typical Halloween outfits: ghosts, witches, zombies (including one really cool girl), Star Wars characters, princesses, pirates, etc. The children were also all different ages, ranging from little blokes in toddlers to the ever-annoying middle schoolers (they are annoying in every country). After I ran out of candy, I went to Faulkner house. I made attempts to convince everyone to go out to a pub, but we never made it. Instead people were loud and drunken in the house, and I left after about two hours.

Guy Fawkes Day: This is what I am calling the “half” holiday. Yesterday was Guy Fawkes Day (Look up Guy Fawkes if you are confused), the British form of Independence Day. I did not do much for it yesterday, except watch fireworks from my garden. However, tomorrow I am planning on going to a fireworks display/mini-carnival in honor of the holiday, so I will let you know how it is later.

Choir: It's good.

Lecture/Theatre trip: We went to see An Inspector Calls on Wednesday, and it was FANTASTIC. The stage design and direction was epic, and it made me miss theatre. Nothing in high school was as epic as professional theatre, but it was epic at the time, and for the budget we had. The plot of the play really got me thinking, but mostly I was obsessed with the set. That is how it always is for me: I look at the technical stuff as opposed to obsessing over the acting.

I promise to update again soon with more information about my life and what I am thinking!

Things I am currently missing/craving: Xbox, letters from home

Things that have been acquired: Practice time, the most amazing BLT of my life, a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds

The Beginning of My Musical Journey in Oxford

I hope you all haven't given up on me quite yet! I am still out here in Oxford, alive and doing well. This past week has been very busy, and the two days I took off from homework to just do things myself did not include blog writing. I didn't have any inspiration, I suppose you could say.
Well now I have two forms of inspiration: the recent musical events in my life, and the mounting procrastination I am feeling as my paper is due in 18 hours and 25 minutes.

When I last left you, I had added a tagline about visiting Hertford College Chapel Choir in the hopes I would enjoy it and I would join. I certainly did enjoy it and I certainly have joined. The first rehearsal I attended was scary. Most of the people were knew, but the veterans had already been working on a piece, apparently, and so I felt slightly behind. It was almost entirely sight-reading and it all moved extremely fast. I did come to rehearsal equipped with skills I had learned from Dr. Epley, but I could definitely tell I was rather rusty. I hadn't been in a choir setting for 5 months, and that rust plus my nerves nearly got the better of me. After rehearsal was over, however, I talked with a few girls and realized they were just as intimidated as I was about the experience. We all felt equally ignorant and quickly bonded over it.

The following Sunday we sang the Evensong service. It went...alright. You could tell we were all nervous and had no idea what we were doing. Poor Grace seemed like she was going to cry (and she probably went and got really drunk after Formal Hall that night).

An extra rehearsal last Thursday, and the following rehearsals on Friday and yesterday before Evensong, have already improved our choir. We are all used to the way the hymns and psalms are written, and most are getting a bit quicker at sight-reading. I know that I have certainly improved at keeping and watching the beat.

I never thought being in a choir in Oxford would be so much different, though. I figured music in the US was the same as all the other Western Music countries. Now, although that is true in the big picture, the smaller picture is much different. The terminology and the notation are the biggest differences. Hymn words are written to the side of the music, as opposed to under the music. This tripped me up for awhile, and is probably what hurt my audition for St. Michael's. The music I have sang for the few Jewell church services I have attended certainly babied and spoiled me. Also, psalms are written with the text below, and divided up by measure and by note with punctuation marks, to be matched with the bar lines of the musical score above. Soon, though, I am sure these things will become second nature. I will be able to multi-task easier, which will improve so many areas of my life.

Finally, I leave you with translations of musical terms in English and American:
Semibreve= whole note
Minim= half note
Crotchet= quarter note
Quaver= eighth note
Semiquaver= sixteenth note
Hairpins= crescendo/decrescendo markings



Things I am currently missing/craving: Taco Bell, QT breakfast sandwiches, QT doughtnuts, Xbox, nice hugs
Things that have been acquired: A musical outlet, a new TV show to pass the time/procrastinate with on occasion, a few alternative easy food dishes